Another Crossroads Post

I'm at another crossroads in my poker life. It's the crossroads of Frustration Street and Jaded Avenue. 2005 was a very successful poker year for me, not to mention a success IRL. I started out playing 0.50/1 LHE and ended up playing 5/10 full time and taking cracks at 15/30, winning thousands of dollars along the way. I have long since cashed out my initial investments, and have been playing on OPM (other people's money) for months now.

Before you stop reading and say, "Christ, not another whiny bad beat post," I can tell you that no, this isn't another bad beat post.

Here's the problem. I've struggled since October '05, essentially just pushing money around a table, but not really getting anywhere.

I tried bonus whoring. Very counterproductive for me. When you buy into a site and start playing 2/4 during a bonus time, EXPECT fish to draw on you. I had more than my share. So, I decided to pare back my sites, and keep my money between Full Tilt and PokerStars. I made that decision in December, and since then it seems like I've just won money and gave it back. Either I'm running great hands into the one hand that can beat me (that the opponent can't POSSIBLY have), I'm running QQ into AA, or AJ into AQ, or I have hands like the gem where KK lost to K5o (yes, you're right--that is a 9-to-1 favorite pre-flop...). Just today, I had QQ all-in pre-flop against AK, and I just KNEW he was going to hit. He did, with a K on the flop. Then, he called me a fish. Can you f***ing believe that?

Either way, I'm frustrated with poker. Very frustrated. I know I'm playing generally solid poker--nobody plays great all the time, and I've been prone to some real tilt-fests over the last 3 months as well--but the results just aren't there.

I feel that I'm at least as good a player as I was in October (when I was just demolishing the Stars 5/10 FR game), but for some reason, either because I can't take playing $25 NL as seriously, or that I cashed out so much of my winnings that I don't have enough to really play the 5/10 anymore without playing scared, or...I don't even know. I just can't get off this 3-month long schneid, and it drives me crazy. I can pinpoint the date it started--October 12, 2005. I was at my high water mark, after taking a shot at the 15/30 game and winning $400 in about half an hour. I played the next day and got slaughtered (as evidenced here--8th post down). That started the downward spin. I was able to right the ship, but it just seems as though I can't break through since that point. I don't know if it's psychological, if I'm just enduring bad beats and tilting in response, or if I'm just playing sloppy. Is it the pseudo-pressure I put on myself by pronoucing myself semi-pro?

Either way, I want it to stop.

I can think of a few things this year that made me feel indestructable:

1) Winning the $20 LHE MTT on Stars.
2) Placing 13th of 300+ in a $55 MTT at the Taj Mahal in AC.
3) Running over live tables pretty much wire to wire.
4) The quick hit n run session at the 15/30 in October.

And for the flip side?

1) Cashing out less than I deposited at InterPoker--AFTER the bonus. (12/05)
2) Doing the same at Empire. (10/05)
3) My big (relative) downswing at 5/10 at Stars late in the year.

I think a great deal of the key is not getting too high or too low--but just playing your game. I also think I'm going to redeposit a little more into Stars (excess from the NetTeller account) to get up to about $1200 over there, and get back into the 3/6 game and move up accordingly. I'll keep the Full Tilt account for playing NLHE and a few mixed game tournies, since Stars doesn't yet offer them (Otis...). I just have to get past this, because I do love poker--I love the competition, the mental stimulation, and yeah, the money ain't bad either.

Thanks for listening, and all comments are welcome as always.