Life (or Something Like It)
Well, I knew it would likely happen, but I really wasn't expecting it now, especially with so much going on and my new-found comfort level in my "semi-pro" skin.
I was on the other end of "The Talk." The talk where your wife/husband/significant other tells you that they're sick and tired of all this "poker shit," and that you don't talk anymore, that you don't care anymore, that maybe, just maybe you need to go to G.A.!!!!!!
Yeah, that talk. For some background, I've known my wife/dated her, etc. for nearly thirteen years. We've been married a little less than one, and of course, our most precious little one has been here a little more than seven weeks. I've known poker for about two years now, and I've played for real for about a year and a half. I am probably the most UNWILLING gambler in the world. I've been to the casinos live to play poker more in the last two years that I had been to the casinos in the previous eight years since turning 21. I liked playing craps and blackjack a little, usually won (since I am, after all, a luckbox), but I could take or leave the whole casino thing.
Until I discovered the skill behind poker. I'm a hyper-competitive guy to begin with, so when presented with a game that I could learn--mathematics, theory, whoopee!--and actually make money from, I was insta-hooked. The results, after the initial hiccups that every beginning learning player has, came quickly. In 2005, I probably made close to $7000 in profit from online poker. This year, I'm close to $4000 playing less than half the time I did last year.
I made $1600 just last month, (even with a -$750 bender on Stars when the "He Can't Win" button was stuck in the downward position). That being said, the money for me is only a way to keep score. I make significantly enough money in my real career now that while the additional income is great, it's by far not a necessity for me. In fact, if people played play chips like they played the 30/60 LHE on Stars, I'd probably still be playing there...
So, she tells me I play on the computer too much, that I play poker too much, and that I obviously don't care about her or our baby.
What. The. Fuck.
You can say a lot of things to me, but the last portion of that was a lot for me to bear. Especially since every last penny of my poker profits this year have gone to our savings accounts, used to finish our basement, the baby's room, or the baby's college fund--created with OPM... Especially since I feel that I'm at least an adequate first-time dad. I mean, I go to work every day, I make money--damn good money, BTW--and I make sure my family has everything they could ever want.
Again--What. The. Fuck.
To make a long story short, I basically promised to play a little less--ok, a lot less--and to not play while the baby's awake. I'm not sure how to feel about this, especially since I'm on the verge of announcing a fairly significant deal on the website/affiliation front.
Poker is my hobby. It is a very lucrative hobby, and one that I enjoy very much. I explained this to her, and I think we have more of an understanding now about what I want out of my hobby and out of my life. I never had designs on becoming a full time professional player, but I did thoroughly enjoy competing, and winning money that will benefit my family. Not me--my entire family. Without her income for the next three months (extended maternity leave), it just ensures that we have enough money to keep saving a significant amount without strapping me or the family with bills, etc.
Perhaps it's a lame-ass excuse to want to keep playing. Like I said, the money's there--you're a fool if it truly doesn't matter to you--but to me it's just another way of keeping score.
I felt that Project Cashout was a way to maintain profits while still enjoying the game, and providing myself a tangible goal each month or with each cashout. I don't know the future of Project Cashout, but I've kissed my $1000/month goal goodbye and I'm re-aligning my goals with my present situation.
Again, I don't know how I feel about that, but we proceed on.
I was on the other end of "The Talk." The talk where your wife/husband/significant other tells you that they're sick and tired of all this "poker shit," and that you don't talk anymore, that you don't care anymore, that maybe, just maybe you need to go to G.A.!!!!!!
Yeah, that talk. For some background, I've known my wife/dated her, etc. for nearly thirteen years. We've been married a little less than one, and of course, our most precious little one has been here a little more than seven weeks. I've known poker for about two years now, and I've played for real for about a year and a half. I am probably the most UNWILLING gambler in the world. I've been to the casinos live to play poker more in the last two years that I had been to the casinos in the previous eight years since turning 21. I liked playing craps and blackjack a little, usually won (since I am, after all, a luckbox), but I could take or leave the whole casino thing.
Until I discovered the skill behind poker. I'm a hyper-competitive guy to begin with, so when presented with a game that I could learn--mathematics, theory, whoopee!--and actually make money from, I was insta-hooked. The results, after the initial hiccups that every beginning learning player has, came quickly. In 2005, I probably made close to $7000 in profit from online poker. This year, I'm close to $4000 playing less than half the time I did last year.
I made $1600 just last month, (even with a -$750 bender on Stars when the "He Can't Win" button was stuck in the downward position). That being said, the money for me is only a way to keep score. I make significantly enough money in my real career now that while the additional income is great, it's by far not a necessity for me. In fact, if people played play chips like they played the 30/60 LHE on Stars, I'd probably still be playing there...
So, she tells me I play on the computer too much, that I play poker too much, and that I obviously don't care about her or our baby.
What. The. Fuck.
You can say a lot of things to me, but the last portion of that was a lot for me to bear. Especially since every last penny of my poker profits this year have gone to our savings accounts, used to finish our basement, the baby's room, or the baby's college fund--created with OPM... Especially since I feel that I'm at least an adequate first-time dad. I mean, I go to work every day, I make money--damn good money, BTW--and I make sure my family has everything they could ever want.
Again--What. The. Fuck.
To make a long story short, I basically promised to play a little less--ok, a lot less--and to not play while the baby's awake. I'm not sure how to feel about this, especially since I'm on the verge of announcing a fairly significant deal on the website/affiliation front.
Poker is my hobby. It is a very lucrative hobby, and one that I enjoy very much. I explained this to her, and I think we have more of an understanding now about what I want out of my hobby and out of my life. I never had designs on becoming a full time professional player, but I did thoroughly enjoy competing, and winning money that will benefit my family. Not me--my entire family. Without her income for the next three months (extended maternity leave), it just ensures that we have enough money to keep saving a significant amount without strapping me or the family with bills, etc.
Perhaps it's a lame-ass excuse to want to keep playing. Like I said, the money's there--you're a fool if it truly doesn't matter to you--but to me it's just another way of keeping score.
I felt that Project Cashout was a way to maintain profits while still enjoying the game, and providing myself a tangible goal each month or with each cashout. I don't know the future of Project Cashout, but I've kissed my $1000/month goal goodbye and I'm re-aligning my goals with my present situation.
Again, I don't know how I feel about that, but we proceed on.
7 Comments:
damn Tony, thats a real downer.
i've never had any experiences with a wife since i'm only 20 but i'd imagine its a lot more serious than it is with my previous girlfriends that i've had in which i was involved in sort of the same arguments..
I try to limit myself to 3 hrs/day but thats being unrealistic, when i feel like playing i play and when i don't, i don't. i can imagine its a completely different world when you live with your significant other, but i've gotten the petty little "you play poker too much, it runs your life" speech here and there with past girlfriends but i guess i'm lucky enough to have one now that is tolerant/understandable and isnt that "concerned" with my poker hobby.
personally, i think its great that you are able to start and accumlate funds for your baby with your hobby, thats awesome, and able to contribute more to your savings.
then again, shes probably right in some aspects, i know when i play poker i want to be focused and not really "bothered" by having to talk on the phone with my girl at the same time, but im lucky enough to have one that actually enjoys watching me play and is interested in playing poker too.
hope things work out better for you man, because you're killing these games man and its even greater that you're able to put the money for the greater good of your family.
I've been there recently myself. It probably has a lot less to due with the kid than the time your wife is looking for from you.
The maddening thing can be that she is tied up watching some lameass show that I have absolutely no interest in, yet she still expects me to pay attention to her conversations during the commercials or whatever.
My situation is different in that I have 3 boys, the oldest being 9. I really can't and shouldn't be playing while they are up. Your baby is too young to know what is going on anyway.
Once we talked about it (she gave me "the talk"), I agreed to play less but did stick to playing the normal tourneys that I like to play (blogger stuff). Things have gotten better.
I'm sure it will for you too. Keep winning!
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Yes, I have had the talk as well. She has even taken the mouse and keyboard to the computer and hid it. It is defintely a touchy subject and something that we all much find a suitable middle ground. Good luck
You might want to re-read some of the Poker and Relationship posts, especially the thoughts from Elizabeth. I'm not there obviously, but I think she may be saying something more than you play poker too much. It may have more to do with her life changing with the little one, how you're able to focus on her vs. seeing the poker as an escape, etc. I'm no psychologist, but these are sensitive times for her I would guess.
Yes, folks. All are right here. CC--I sat down with her and your posts, and laid all my cards on the table about playing. She's fearful that it will become (more of) an all-encompassing obsession. She's right.
The idea is that I just am planning to play less often, but play more quality. I've told her of tournaments I plan to play in, and of times that I just want "me time," and that time is finite.
However, and this is a good however, the door swings both ways. She gets alone time too. Away from the baby, away from everything.
CC is exactly right--it's all about balance, and it's a balance that I learn a little more about each day.
In that moment, for her, it is no longer about the money (work or poker money). Fix it, then figure poker out along the way.
Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders so you should be good. I agree with CC...check out his posts. Also, check the one out I wrote a while back...not saying it is right for your situation, but just something else to read...
http://tripjax.blogspot.com/2006/02/ssoft-play.html
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