Looking for Advice
Yeah, I'm usually the guy giving advice, but now I'm asking for my readers out there in the blogosphere for some advice. Mostly you folks out there with kids, young ones especially.
How do you handle the whole work-home-poker paradigm? As many of you know, I'm a pharmacist, I work between 8-12 hours daily, and with the soon-to-be-arriving little one at home, I'm frankly worried about not only normalcy at home being flushed down the toilet, but also my burgeoning poker career as well. I'm prepared to make sacrifices, and I don't have a problem with that. Heaven knows, I love this little girl so damn much, and she's not even here yet.
But how do you balance it all? I'd like to get in 500-1000 hands a week, go to work, take part in my child's life, and be a good husband all at the same time. Should I just plan on forsaking sleep until my child turns 3, or is there a better strategy?
I've been reading CC's Quest of a Closet Poker Player very intently, especially because it seems a ton like my life right now with the Mrs, not to mention the fact that he's putting out the flat-out best stuff I've read in years over there.
You see, I'm a hyper-competitive person by nature. It's why I have had to train myself to not take bad beats so badly. It's why I don't just want to be a good player--I want to be among the best LHE players on the planet. It's why being a good father and husband isn't good enough for me. I want to be Super Dad...
Is it really possible? I see guys like Joe Speaker who have been through hell and back and who still manage to be a great father, poker player, and have a damn good time all at the same time. There are others out there--we all know who they are. Am I just afraid that I can't balance it all? Or is it something that works out just so long as you work at it every day?
Being a first-time father is one of the most frightening things I can imagine. I'm frightened that I won't be as good a father as I want to be, worried that I'm too selfish and set in my ways to be the father that my daughter needs me to be, worried that my life will change in ways I just don't want, worried that there's just so damn much bad out there in the world, and worried about how I can protect my family from it all. Then, there's poker. How do you all do it?
Thanks for listening, and I appreciate any advice out there...
How do you handle the whole work-home-poker paradigm? As many of you know, I'm a pharmacist, I work between 8-12 hours daily, and with the soon-to-be-arriving little one at home, I'm frankly worried about not only normalcy at home being flushed down the toilet, but also my burgeoning poker career as well. I'm prepared to make sacrifices, and I don't have a problem with that. Heaven knows, I love this little girl so damn much, and she's not even here yet.
But how do you balance it all? I'd like to get in 500-1000 hands a week, go to work, take part in my child's life, and be a good husband all at the same time. Should I just plan on forsaking sleep until my child turns 3, or is there a better strategy?
I've been reading CC's Quest of a Closet Poker Player very intently, especially because it seems a ton like my life right now with the Mrs, not to mention the fact that he's putting out the flat-out best stuff I've read in years over there.
You see, I'm a hyper-competitive person by nature. It's why I have had to train myself to not take bad beats so badly. It's why I don't just want to be a good player--I want to be among the best LHE players on the planet. It's why being a good father and husband isn't good enough for me. I want to be Super Dad...
Is it really possible? I see guys like Joe Speaker who have been through hell and back and who still manage to be a great father, poker player, and have a damn good time all at the same time. There are others out there--we all know who they are. Am I just afraid that I can't balance it all? Or is it something that works out just so long as you work at it every day?
Being a first-time father is one of the most frightening things I can imagine. I'm frightened that I won't be as good a father as I want to be, worried that I'm too selfish and set in my ways to be the father that my daughter needs me to be, worried that my life will change in ways I just don't want, worried that there's just so damn much bad out there in the world, and worried about how I can protect my family from it all. Then, there's poker. How do you all do it?
Thanks for listening, and I appreciate any advice out there...
5 Comments:
Its all about you and what your priorities are.. if work has to be 12hrs and you want some poker time that comes out of the time to spend with the family time. If work can scale back a little then you can add to other buckets. It is all about your choices and it is never easy.
Oh, and sleep, girls tend to be better, but be prepared for a few months of sleeplessness. My son had collick for 9months and that is how long I could not sleep for.
For what its worth, it all boils down to priorities. I don't put in any more time than neccessary at work. Sometimes it requires more but you got to do the right thing to keep the bosses happy and the paychecks flowing. At home, definetly no poker until the kid is in bed. All time between work and bed time is family time. If your kid is anything like mine was, the first year actually won't impact you too much because they sleep a lot and since you are not the source of food the kid has little use for you except for some kind words and some cuddling. Poker, recreation in general, is the third wheel in that setup. No play, especailly if there was a healthy amount of it before life changes occured, will gnaw at you. Better to just acknowledge that it's important to you and determine how much time you still want to try to put in to it after your primary obligations are met. For me, that means staying up way too late on poker nights but I never regret it the next day and thus far I've maintained a balance that I and my wife are happy with.
i'll be checking this post regularly to see what peeps say. lord knows, come october, i'll need all the help i can get!
First, thanks for the shoutout and the kind words.
Let me try to chime in uniquely to your thoughts. First, fatherhood. We have three boys (10, 8, and 2 in May), so I'm no expert but I am what you would call a father. My wife is a stay-at-home Mom, and I don't travel as much as I used to. The first year is alot of work for sure, mainly on the Mom (mandate breastfeeding to be sure you can outsource late night feedings). One recommendation is to structure some specific time for your wife to be free of your daughter each week, both during the week and on weekends. She will need some time for herself to decompress as it is life changing to center your life around the new one. Having said that, having some time for your passion of poker is something you should also agree to (one side not that no one tells you: the first three months you can take babies to movies and restaurants--the loud sound puts them to sleep most of the time/they pull in as sort of a protective mechanism; we had Mexican on Day 3 of our first one's life, this after a C-section). Also be sure you can get childcare (either family or a very trusted babysitter) to allow dates and couple time.
Poker may need to become less frequent more devoted sessions as well as the quick sneak hits (more what I do). If your wife is game and a gamer, the weekend trip to the Borgata where she can hit the spa could also let you combine things.
No need to fear the little girl's arrival (and congrats, by the way). The other main value that I have which most folks wouldn't adhere to is that my wife is more imporant than the boys in a black/white sense. I obviously love the boys to death, but they'll grow up then either be close to me or not, but I hope and pray that my wife is there with me until I leave this world.
As you've seen from my posts, no real wisdom here but something we're all struggling with. Biggest summary thing is to be open about your desire to have this passion for yourself, and try to work for it to both be OK as well as to be able to be big enough for your wife and daughter as well.
Take care.
Great advice everyone, and it really is all about my family. I'm at the point in life where my family is where it's at.
A friend of mine in work told me just on Tuesday, "When I was younger (he's 45), work was who I was. I busted my ass, did extra stuff--my job was me, I was my job. When David (his oldest) came along, it stopped being me. Now, work is what I do. I come here for 40 hours a week. That's it."
To somewhat expand on that, for me, as a guy who's been a district manager, who has traveled and sacrificed for my career until recently when I went to work in a hospital, my life previously centered on work (and to that, poker). All it takes is a shift in focus. When the baby Shark comes out, my family is my center, and work (and poker) is just another activity therein. Work of course pays the bills, poker will be like golf--something I do for fun, but in the grand scheme, it isn't all that important. It'll probably make the game more fun, too.
Thanks again, all, and moderation is now disabled, so feel free to comment at will!
Post a Comment
<< Home