Still Alive

Yeah, I'm still here, still trying to figure out that whole wife/family/poker equation. Thanks all for all your help. I'm wondering now if the only real solution here could end up being my retirement from online poker.

She still complains about the time I spend playing, even though I've cut back from about 2500-3000 hands/week to about 500 hands in the last two weeks. She even went far enough to claim that I was lying about my successes online, despite me showing her all my NetTeller transactions, AND PokerTracker databases, and the lovely things that the money seemed to be coming from nowhere to buy. I was saving a significant portion of my paycheck for our family. Since she's been on maternity leave (and only receiving disability) that money has only gone to our bills, and she keeps her disability for spending money. I've managed to save more money (from poker) than I did before. This fact didn't change things.

She told me that what I claim to have done with online poker (depositing $200 and making over $10k) is virtually impossible without pure luck. I explain to her that out of 30 million or so Americans who play poker, that I am likely very safely in the top 5%. This fact didn't change things.

I'm not sure I have an out here. She disagrees with the fundamental thought of me playing poker because playing poker = gambling, and her father has a very addictive personality, and it's only a matter of time before I gamble our home away. Mind you, I play with likely the most stringent stop-loss limits out there, and when I go to the casino, I take enough money to play my game of choice (the highest game I would play), $50 extra for food and tips, my Ez-Pass for tolls, and leave my MAC card and credit cards at home. I don't even KNOW the PIN numbers for my credit cards. These facts didn't change things.

She also knows that I derive income from advertising here and moderating over at Vegas Poker Pro. This fact didn't change things.

Regardless, I fear I'm drawing very thin here. I may have to just fold my hand and walk away.

Still working on a compromise...Wish me the best!

The Announcement

Despite the negative tone of the previous post, and despite the fact that my wife still views me as a degenerate, I think we've hit a middle ground. Thanks, CC.

Well, back to your regularly scheduled post:

My big announcement is that I have now become officially affiliated with VegasPokerPro.com. I am moderating a PokerTracker and Advanced Strategy Forum there, and I will be blogging strategy articles that will be exclusive to VPP. Once the blog address becomes more set in stone, I'll link to it from here.

I'm also inviting all my readers to join the community over there. It's a growing community, and I hope to make the Advanced Strategy Forum a nice place to have good discussion. I hope to see you over there!

Life (or Something Like It)

Well, I knew it would likely happen, but I really wasn't expecting it now, especially with so much going on and my new-found comfort level in my "semi-pro" skin.

I was on the other end of "The Talk." The talk where your wife/husband/significant other tells you that they're sick and tired of all this "poker shit," and that you don't talk anymore, that you don't care anymore, that maybe, just maybe you need to go to G.A.!!!!!!

Yeah, that talk. For some background, I've known my wife/dated her, etc. for nearly thirteen years. We've been married a little less than one, and of course, our most precious little one has been here a little more than seven weeks. I've known poker for about two years now, and I've played for real for about a year and a half. I am probably the most UNWILLING gambler in the world. I've been to the casinos live to play poker more in the last two years that I had been to the casinos in the previous eight years since turning 21. I liked playing craps and blackjack a little, usually won (since I am, after all, a luckbox), but I could take or leave the whole casino thing.

Until I discovered the skill behind poker. I'm a hyper-competitive guy to begin with, so when presented with a game that I could learn--mathematics, theory, whoopee!--and actually make money from, I was insta-hooked. The results, after the initial hiccups that every beginning learning player has, came quickly. In 2005, I probably made close to $7000 in profit from online poker. This year, I'm close to $4000 playing less than half the time I did last year.

I made $1600 just last month, (even with a -$750 bender on Stars when the "He Can't Win" button was stuck in the downward position). That being said, the money for me is only a way to keep score. I make significantly enough money in my real career now that while the additional income is great, it's by far not a necessity for me. In fact, if people played play chips like they played the 30/60 LHE on Stars, I'd probably still be playing there...

So, she tells me I play on the computer too much, that I play poker too much, and that I obviously don't care about her or our baby.

What. The. Fuck.

You can say a lot of things to me, but the last portion of that was a lot for me to bear. Especially since every last penny of my poker profits this year have gone to our savings accounts, used to finish our basement, the baby's room, or the baby's college fund--created with OPM... Especially since I feel that I'm at least an adequate first-time dad. I mean, I go to work every day, I make money--damn good money, BTW--and I make sure my family has everything they could ever want.

Again--What. The. Fuck.

To make a long story short, I basically promised to play a little less--ok, a lot less--and to not play while the baby's awake. I'm not sure how to feel about this, especially since I'm on the verge of announcing a fairly significant deal on the website/affiliation front.

Poker is my hobby. It is a very lucrative hobby, and one that I enjoy very much. I explained this to her, and I think we have more of an understanding now about what I want out of my hobby and out of my life. I never had designs on becoming a full time professional player, but I did thoroughly enjoy competing, and winning money that will benefit my family. Not me--my entire family. Without her income for the next three months (extended maternity leave), it just ensures that we have enough money to keep saving a significant amount without strapping me or the family with bills, etc.

Perhaps it's a lame-ass excuse to want to keep playing. Like I said, the money's there--you're a fool if it truly doesn't matter to you--but to me it's just another way of keeping score.

I felt that Project Cashout was a way to maintain profits while still enjoying the game, and providing myself a tangible goal each month or with each cashout. I don't know the future of Project Cashout, but I've kissed my $1000/month goal goodbye and I'm re-aligning my goals with my present situation.

Again, I don't know how I feel about that, but we proceed on.